I really want to cry but I can’t as I have work early in the morning. I don’t want to end up like a panda with puffy eyes. Furthermore, it is the opening ceremony tomorrow and I am the usher! Maybe I will store my tears and cry tomorrow after work. So…what I will do right now is to rant out all my frustrations. Seriously, I wonder if there is anybody who will still read my blog.
We quarreled again. Yes, again! I really cannot take it. This is the last straw! I can SURVIVE WITHOUT him! I am not even his priority. He has so much time but he does have much time for me. What am I in his life? Am I just a puppet to play with? He got really agitated when I questioned him about some photos. Like hey?! Who on earth will not get work up when he/she sees photos of opposite sex in their bf/gf phone?! And…Seriously, who in the right mind will take a photo showing half of their body wearing hot pants (without face) and send out to her friend?
Why do I even need him when he does not know how to appreciate and love me? Irene, why do you even want to shed tears for such man? Why do you even want to cry for him? Are you sure he really treats you well?
I am just holding on to the past. Deep within, my heart is still living in our past but he has changed. He does not have time to accompany me. Our love has faded. Why should I continue clinging on to this relationship? This man does not deserve my love and time. I am not a piece of trash when you can just do whatever you want and throw it anywhere.
I can live better without him. I need to lead a new life without him.

It has really been a long time since I last post. Blogging is still the best way to vent my frustrations. Cos I wanna talk to myself here than 对牛弹琴。The cow here is refering to my bf. At the moment, he is still my bf but maybe not in the future. Our relationship has been really sucky. How do you feel when someone do not recipocrate your love back? I really detest myself for loving him so much and putting him as my main priority. Do he care or notice when I am weeping everyday? Am I even important? Do I have a place in his heart? I am really hurt..hurt so much by him. Nothing lasts forever! I really wish someone could just pull me out of this hellhole! I am suffering. My heart is breaking bits by bits everyday. I really regret..alot..alot..for getting into this relationship. I am hurting so much and he is enjoying himself. I am draining away emotionally and mentally. I need someone to hug me tight and lemme cry out loud.

heard that the SIA walk-in interview ytd was overwhelming! omg.. do u think i will stand a chance if i try the walk-in interview next year? 0.0

i still have one more year to graduate and my chances of getting into local uni are slim. i have not been performing! 0.o the starting pay of poly graduate is really low. i am really satisfied with getting 3.5k every month if i can join SIA!

haha.. daydreaming too much!

i am feeling really depressed and stressed. the freaking worst part is i have NOBODY to turn to. these few months have been a torture for me. i am mentally and emotionally strained. but who the fuck cares?

death has more meanings than being staying alive. i wish i could just dump every fucking things behind and just travel around the world till very last breath.

seriously, i felt damn useless. DAMN FREAKING USELESS. i have never ever felt this useless and lousy in my life. seriously, i felt like a loser. BIG TIME LOSER. i dunno where the fuck the motivated and determined irene has gone.

things are damn fuck up!! serious fuck up!! every night i have problems sleeping.. my heart starts to race when i close my eyes. anxiety!

damn upset. i feel the pressure. fuck myself.. fuck it..